After 18 years of parenting, one of my biggest lessons has been to focus on the things that I can control. This is the key in all aspects of life from personal to professional. It takes time and intention to master this skill but if you can, I promise your life will run much smoother and be more rewarding.
The first place I would suggest starting is by fully taking responsibility of where you are at this exact moment in your life. Start with giving up blame. It’s not your parents fault, your spouse’s fault, your ex’s fault, or your kid’s fault that you are not where you want to be. You may not have asked for the circumstances that came into your life but you can take accountability, look for the areas you have control of, take action, and achieve your desired outcome. You have to give up the false sense that you can control another’s life and focus on your own. As a parent, I know we want to control situations out of love. We want to protect our kids from hurt, we want to steer them away from danger, and we want them to realize the impact of the decisions they are making today. We can make them listen to all these words but we cannot make them follow every suggestion we have. Two and a half years ago, my daughter lost a handful of friends to suicide and her father within 4 months. I learned overnight that I didn’t have control of the events that happened, my daughters pain, and I couldn’t make everything better. It took a lot of sleepless nights, self awareness, faith, and patience to get through those years. I had to give up trying to control her emotions and life and reconnect with mine. I traded in sitting around by myself lost in worry and stress for my old routine of weight training, reading, personal development, and meditation. We can get sidetracked and consumed trying to control others actions. If you are worn down from worrying about someone else’s life choices, you cannot be fully present for your own life. Life is a gift; learn to master your own thoughts, emotions, and actions first. Live your own story instead of being an extra in someone else’s, you are worth it.